It has taken a lifetime for me to realise that this entire time – my whole 37 years on this earth, in this body, in this lifetime – I have been holding myself back.
Its actually funny saying that out lout but I think we all hold ourselves back to degrees because we don’t want to: offend, succeed, fail, hurt, love, lose, …. The list is endless…
It seems that our attachments to these things are more important to us than being amazing – being who we truly are, being our true self! By attachments I mean we put more importance on the idea that is stopping us, than the idea of what we can become. We become overcautious. Suddenly, the fear of offending someone becomes more important than our dream of speaking our truth. The fear of failure becomes more important than the promotion we have been working toward. The fear of getting hurt stops us from loving with our whole heart….. you get the picture.
When we let these fears hold us back we are giving our power, our energy, to that fear and then helplessness, anxiety and depression are born and fed.
We can try and get a handle on our fears through self-care and building our self-confidence. When we have fear around what others may think of us, or how we are viewed, or when we have fear of not meeting our crazily high expectations, then we invariably give others our power. This supports unhealthy relationships and brings people into our lives that will play the power games we learnt when we were younger that helped us get what we needed.
When we feel comfortable enough in being who we are and know that WE ARE OK, then we will no longer be held prisoner to our fears.
Things we can do to feel comfortable with who we are:
Journal – journaling our passions, our woes, our thoughts, our dreams, can give light to some subconscious patterning going on. It can also get the information out of our head which can help slow it down and reduce rumination. Either try non-dominant hand writing or flow of cognition to help get past the conscious, rational mind. If you get stuck, try and start with questions like:
What is holding me back?
What drives me/makes me feel excited about life?
What qualities do I already possess that serve me well?
What qualities would I like to possess?
What fears do I have around becoming who I want to be?
How are my fears serving me right now?
The one thing I could do less of to help me reach my goal is…..
The one thing I could do daily to help me reach my goal is….
Pay attention to our thoughts – paying attention to our thoughts can help us to catch some patterns in thinking that help to feed our fears and hold us back. When we have noticed the thoughts that are no longer serving us, we can change them for new, more positive thoughts that are more aligned with our dreams. Our brain has the capacity to change and this is called ‘neuroplasticity’. With enough engagement of the new thought to replace the old one, the new one will soon be more attractive and hold more power. This will have made enough connections in the brain to ensure that the new thought is now the go-to over the old thought. Try this pattern:
Feeling = Old belief/thought = Re-label/Question = New thought/behaviour
Be kind to ourselves – being kind to ourselves is a big one. If we are often berating ourselves for not doing something quite right, or for making mistakes, then we tend to have less energy to reach our intended goal and get easily discouraged. Be your own cheerleader and allow yourself to feel proud of your accomplishments to date, no matter how small they may seem. Remember it’s the many small steps that get you from A to B.
To be kind to yourself go through and change the belief/thought around the areas where you are unkind. If you can’t think of something kind to counteract it with, ask a trusted friend.
Get some professional assistance – employing the services of a coach, a holistic bodyworker, or a counsellor can help in getting over those few bumps in the road and assist in determining what is holding you back. Sometimes it is hard to see the patterns yourself and these professionals can help you to uncover them.
If you would like to book an appointment with me then do so here.