Have you ever felt like you are pushing yourself to achieve something, pushing yourself to get the next job done, pushing yourself to go out for a run, pushing yourself to do or be something different than what you are wanting to do, or be in that moment? If the answer is yes, then keep reading for some insights that may just help to set you free from this tug of war.


What feels like a lifetime ago, I felt like I was always pushing…. Pushing myself to be different, to achieve more, to be more than what I was… but it didn’t stop there. Because I was pushing myself, I was also pushing others – pushing others to see my point of view, to do what I thought was best, and to do things in a particular way. Even though there was nothing wrong with relating to myself and others in this way, I realised I didn’t want to continue doing this because it was exhausting and it was holding me back from being the person I really wanted to be.


What I came to realise is that when we push ourselves to do something over and over again, either because of an old belief, thought, or ours or others expectations, it’s like there are two of us – one on a swing, the other (with an old thought or belief or expectations) behind us pushing us through life because we think this is the way it needs to be. We may swing forward after a push, perhaps getting a lot accomplished, but we will always swing back and need another push. In pushing ourselves we don’t give ourselves the freedom to be. We end up telling ourselves, in some way, that we are not ok. That what we want to do or be or feel in that moment is not ok….  Hence the push.

If we take responsibility for swinging ourselves by taking charge of our own lives, we soon find out that we can ‘do life’ ourselves, our way. We control how high or low we swing, we control the level of fun and excitement, the energetic and rest times, our direction, our speed, all in-line with our own natural rhythm. We allow ourselves to ‘be’ just as we are, because in not pushing we accept that we are ok, just as we are.


But how can we take responsibility for ourselves?


  • First we can look at where we are refraining from taking responsibility… So, think of times when you just wish that someone or something would come and rescue you… or areas in your life where you feel you are pushing for a particular outcome, having some resistance, or feeling attachment to something or someone.
  • Then take a few deep breaths
  • Ask yourself, what is this really about? What belief, thought or expectation is underlying this?
  • Know that the person or people you gleaned this way of being from, were only doing the best they could at the time with their knowledge and their capacity.
  • Let yourself know that you are the person that you have been searching for… you are the one that can give yourself everything you have ever desired and dreamed of…. And you are the only one who can change your life. This thing or person has no control over you. You are completely in control of your own life, and therefore you can choose to accept the things you can change and make the changes, accept the things you can’t change and move on, or, continue not taking responsibility.
  • Get a sense of one thing you can do each day to live your dream, do what you desire or to break free. It does not have to be something that you will do forever, but it will be something you can do right now.
  • Do that thing each day and as you are doing it remember why you are doing it – you are the person that is responsible for reaching your dreams and doing what you desire.


When we take responsibility for being ok with who we are and give ourselves what we need to lead a fulfilled, contented life, we give ourselves a sense of inescapable freedom and we become unstoppable. Love yourself, love what you do, love your journey, and love being responsible for all that you are. You are perfect in your imperfection.


To book a private session with Crysal, contact her here

As featured in Issue 14 of The Inspired Guide https://issuu.com/studiosnz/docs/the_inspired_guide_14